It has been far too long since my last blog post. Friends, I promise I have not fallen off the face of the earth. However, I may have fallen into a wormhole, and perhaps got stuck. For that, I apologize.
For weeks I have dedicated myself to work, and when I’m not working, I’m thinking about how I could be working. The guilt caused by these thoughts then generates to “I need to spend less time working and more time with my kids.”
Naturally, I now long for the days when the majority of my day was spent entertaining my two boys, and my free time was spent reading and writing.
For months I have felt like my existence includes a laptop resting on my lap. My eyes are consistently exhausted from hours spent on the computer. However, my income has given me the opportunity to send my oldest to the school my husband and I feel is best for him. Not the one that was chosen for him.
With all of that said, I still miss the old me.
I miss the excitement of new followers, blog traffic, and Twitter responses. But most of all, I miss my creative moments and all the self-contained ideas I had bouncing inside my mind, not yet exposed to the outside world. I have yet to figure out the balance. The time just isn’t there.
It is beyond frustrating to feel as though months of work, brainstorming, and progress have been flushed into a black pit, and when something is spewed to the surface, it’s a bill or an unexpected medical expense. These are rancid reminders that work is an absolute, not an option.
How do other writers do it? Where in the world do you find the time? Do you sleep?
What do you do to keep from falling into the wormhole?
I need to get back into it. I miss my passion. Ignoring my intrinsic need to read and to read is no longer an option for me. I am spinning inside my own personal wormhole and I desperately need to be spewed back to the surface. Something has to give. Help.