My Writing Journey: Inside the Wormhole

Published November 24, 2012 by Jennifer Elizabeth

Image courtesy io9.com

It has been far too long since my last blog post. Friends, I promise I have not fallen off the face of the earth. However, I may have fallen into a wormhole, and perhaps got stuck. For that, I apologize.

For weeks I have dedicated myself to work, and when I’m not working, I’m thinking about how I could be working.  The guilt caused by these thoughts then generates to “I need to spend less time working and more time with my kids.”

Naturally, I now long for the days when the majority of my day was spent entertaining my two boys, and my free time was spent reading and writing.

For months I have felt like my existence includes a laptop resting on my lap. My eyes are consistently exhausted from hours spent on the computer. However, my income has given me the opportunity to send my oldest to the school my husband and I feel is best for him. Not the one that was chosen for him.

With all of that said, I still miss the old me.

I miss the excitement of new followers, blog traffic, and Twitter responses. But most of all, I miss my creative moments and all the self-contained ideas I had bouncing inside my mind, not yet exposed to the outside world. I have yet to figure out the balance. The time just isn’t there.

It is beyond frustrating to feel as though months of work, brainstorming, and progress have been flushed into a black pit, and when something is spewed to the surface, it’s a bill or an unexpected medical expense. These are rancid reminders that work is an absolute, not an option.

How do other writers do it? Where in the world do you find the time? Do you sleep?

What do you do to keep from falling into the wormhole?

I need to get back into it. I miss my passion. Ignoring my intrinsic need to read and to read is no longer an option for me. I am spinning inside my own personal wormhole and I desperately need to be spewed back to the surface. Something has to give. Help.

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8 comments on “My Writing Journey: Inside the Wormhole

  • I think I’ve just embraced the wormhole. There are times of our lives that are just plain tough – good on you for working to make things better for your family. I find it hard to balance all that’s expected of me too, but I’ve learned carving out even a small bit of time for myself every day makes a difference. Even if it is only 30 minutes before I go to bed to scribble in a journal or immerse myself in a good book. I really feel for you – I hope things get better soon.

    • Maybe that’s exactly what I need to do—embrace the wormhole 😉 There are times I try to set aside a few minutes for myself, and then my little guy wakes up, and the free time just isn’t there. I keep reminding myself that it won’t be like this forever..and then I will miss those times. It’s always helpful to know I’m not the only one struggling within the wormhole ;). Thank you so much for the encouragement, Raewyn 🙂

  • There are times and seasons for everything. You just need to prioritize and work at what is important to you in this season. You can’t waste energy feeling guilty and what could have been. I know for me, my kids have gotten older and I am in the season of having a little more time for creativity. I use it when I have it, but I also balance that with keeping the house out of chaos and enjoying life with my husband and kids. I will be praying you can find that balance, but remember, being a mom to wee little ones only lasts so long. Enjoy it and then when you miss it, you will really take advantage of the time you have then to be creative.

    • Thank you for your encouragement, Gaby 🙂 And so sorry it took me forever to respond!! Some days it does get frustrating—only that I can’t be super mom 24/7…but I know there will be a day when I will miss the constant craziness! 🙂

  • “when I’m not working, I’m thinking about how I could be working”
    This is me all day, every day! And the guilt caused by this one thought alone is so paralyzing that I end up indulging in every distraction possible to keep me from writing/facing the fact that I’m not writing, hence the vicious cycle continues. For some reason when writing is just a fun passtime it’s easier to fit it into your day. But as soon as it becomes just another responsibility it’s so hard to prioritize it among the sort of responsibilities that actually pay the bills/have an immediate impact. I know I struggle with this daily. But one thing that has helped me recently is stopping and asking myself the question “what’s the hurry?” If I can’t reconcile my goals with my current situation then maybe I need to set more manageable goals. Maybe I can’t write every day, maybe I won’t be able to get that draft done by February. That’s ok. But as long as I’m moving forward it will get done eventually.

    • I am so sorry it took me this long to reply to your comment. First of all, thank you for checking out my blog and for letting me know that I’m not alone in this life called “the working mom” 😉

      The thought of wanting to write when you don’t have the time is indeed paralyzing, and I completely agree with you. When it’s a fun pastime, it’s so much easier to just sit and write. But as soon as you make it a responsibility, it starts to become something you dread. Right now I’m setting some realistic goals for 2013 and am eager to get started. This WILL be a year for accepting the barriers, but finding ways to work around them! 🙂 Cheers to 2013!

    • I am so sorry it took me this long to reply to your comment. First of all, thank you for checking out my blog and for letting me know that I’m not alone in this life called “the working mom” 😉

      The thought of wanting to write when you don’t have the time is indeed paralyzing, and I completely agree with you. When it’s a fun pastime, it’s so much easier to just sit and write. But as soon as you make it a responsibility, it starts to become something you dread. Right now I’m setting some realistic goals for 2013 and am eager to get started. This WILL be a year for accepting the barriers, but finding ways to work around them! 🙂 Cheers to 2013!

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